Why you should buy a Fleshlight: Now Available at Studio 21 Ltd!

Are you Still debating about whether you should take the plunge and buy your very own fleshlight? here are some reasons why you should consider purchasing one.

1. It feels amazing – when you put your member inside a fleshlight you won’t even be able to tell the difference from a real pussy. It feels so good! The material they use is realistic and feels like real silky smooth skin. I like to warm up my fleshlight by soaking it in a sink filled with warm to hot water. Then it feels Really amazing! You can even buy different inserts like a Super Tight, Ribbed, or Wonder Wave etc. for different feelings and sensations.

2. Completely Safe Sex – You will never recieve or transmit a Sexually Transmitted Disease when you use a fleshlight, and you’ll never get a chick pregnant with it. The Fleshlight is satisfying, safe, and private. Unless you want to use it with someone else.

3. Have Sex On Your Terms - No more waiting until the wife gets home or waiting until she’s in the mood. The Fleshlight will be their to satisfy you whenever and wherever you feel like it. The fleshlight will fulfill your desires.

4. Feels like the Real Thing – You won’t find another male sex toy that is closer to the feeling of intercourse than using the fleshlight. They have developed a “Real Feel Super Skin® sleeve” that was designed to be the most realistic feeling….. and it is! It feels like silky smooth skin. With the Ultra Tight Fleshlight it feels like im screwing my first girlfriend, nice and tight.

5. You Can Improve your Orgasm Stamina – Whether you’ve been banging chicks for decades or just started off in the game, I bet you could still improve your stamina. See how long you can last with the various inserts. I recommend the Super Tight or Ultra Tight, then see how long you can last.

Tantric Sex

Do you ever feel as if your sex life is stuck in a rut? Before you blame yourself or your partner for your lackluster lovemaking, you might want to give tantric sex a try.

What is Tantric Sex?

"Tantra is about consciousness and awareness," says Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D., a tantra lecturer and therapist in San Francisco, CA, and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Kama Sutra (Macmillan, 2000). "Rather than saying you should try different sexual positions or give up certain things, tantra says: do the things you enjoy, but do them with awareness," she explains.
"Having a deep connection with a partner can help individuals become more relaxed and have better sexual functioning," says Linda Banner, Ph.D., a sex therapist at the University of California San Francisco-Stanford Sexual Health Medicine Program. "Tantric sex is more of a holistic connection than a purely physiological one. It involves the mind, body and spirit," she adds.

How to Last Longer in Bed

If "holistic sex" sounds like a tall order, don't panic. The following tenets of tantric sex can be painlessly incorporated into your sex life.

• Make a conscious effort to engage all of the five senses during lovemaking.

• Looking into your partner's eyes during sex can make the experience more intimate and powerful.

• Try breathing in unison. A conscious, rhythmic breathing pattern can help you connect to your partner, both emotionally and spiritually.

• Don't have sex with a set goal in mind (for example, having an orgasm). Making love without a goal or an agenda will heighten the rapport between you and your partner.

• Focus your attention on your partner's sexual needs and desires, rather than on your own.

Then again, there's something to be said for sex of the "wham-bam" variety. A satisfying sex life will probably involve both types of experiences. "Learning to differentiate the times when you want to have pure, animal sex for physical pleasure versus the times when you want to have a more spiritual type of lovemaking is really critical," admits Banner.

Delaying Orgasm
Becoming familiar with some of tantric sex's key techniques doesn't just lead to more emotionally connected, even spiritual, lovemaking. It also leads to sex that's just plan hotter. One of the most publicized benefits of tantra is that it can help a guy learn how to delay his ejaculation, thus prolonging intercourse.

"When the man really learns to slow down his sexual response-and often times that doesn't happen until he starts to age-he puts himself more in synch with the woman's sexual response, which is slower," says Wikoff. "When people are making love in the same rhythm, there's a powerful connection-and that has to be learned either through age or through a practice like tantra," she adds.

"Tantric sex involves practice, over time, in a relationship of mutual devotion and trust," says James E. Salisbury, Ph.D., an international tantra master who teaches philosophy and human sexuality at Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah. "The ability to orgasm, especially for women, is a learned skill. The ability to raise orgasm to its maximum potential for joy and ecstatic spiritual communion is, especially for men, also a learned skill," he adds.

So the next time you're having sex, become more aware of your partner, maintain eye contact, take it slowly, and don't think about anything but the present moment. After all, great sex is not only about pursuing the pleasure of orgasm; it's also about intimacy and connection.

Hurry In!

The weather is finally getting warmer! You know what that means? That's right! We have what you need to keep your nights hot and steamy here at Studio 21 Ltd! You have to see our Lingerie Sale! We have Sexy pieces that are up to 70% off! We have tons of New Adult DVDs in our library available for rent or purchase and a vast array of Novelties to help you get the job done! So hurry in today and get busy!

Get Her To Have Dirty Sex

The minds of men are frequently occupied with sexual ideas that would repulse the average woman. While this is the typical case, don’t assume that your girlfriend doesn’t have a dirty side. One of the advantages of being in a long-term relationship is the opportunity to share your sexual fantasies with each other and try them out. Unfortunately, it may be a challenge to get your girl to reveal her nasty inner thoughts.

In order to determine if the girl you’re with is open to experimenting with dirty sex, start off by testing the waters with a few questions on the more innocent end of the sexual spectrum. Try: “Have you ever tied anyone up or been tied up?” “Do you own any sex toys?” “What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?” “What is something you’ve always wanted to try?”

These questions should get her to open up and start sharing some intimate details of her sexual personality with you. Then you can lead her down the path to dirtiness and hopefully get her to have dirty sex. If she gets scared off or grossed out by these questions, you have yourself a non-kinky girl -- too bad for you.

Still, even the innocent can be corrupted. Here are our suggestions to help you get her to have dirty sex.

Tell her about your fantasies

If you get the feeling that she’ll be receptive to taking a darker turn in your sex life together, take the first step by revealing some of your secret fantasies. Dole out a little at a time and see how she reacts. Hopefully, she’ll share some of her inner thoughts in return; when she does, make sure you show plenty of enthusiasm for her ideas if you want to get her to have dirty sex. An important thing to keep in mind when having this sharing session is to keep it in the realm of fantasy. Don’t start telling her about dirty sex you’ve had in the past with other women or your whole plot will come to a screeching halt.

Make it new for both of you

Approach the dirty experimentation like it’s new for both of you. Think of something you’ve never tried before and suggest that you try it together. If she knows you’re starting out on a level playing field, she’ll be more likely to let her inhibitions go and get wild with you. If you want to get her to have dirty sex with you and you act like you’re an expert in the area, chances are she’s going to freeze up on you instead of enjoying herself.

We have three more tips to help you get her to have dirty sex with you.

Play a sex game

So you’re both open to the idea of getting dirtier in bed together. Now, how do you get started? Talking about it is a lot easier than actually introducing the nastiness into your sex life. A sex game might be just the thing to help you get started. Visit a sex shop and check out the card and board games they have for sale. These are usually aimed at couples that want to add some excitement to their love life and they should give you some ideas. Or, use your imagination and make up your own game together at home. The idea is to get both of you to open up and start trying things out. If all else fails, you can always fall back on the old standard of Truth or Dare.

Watch porn or read erotic stories

Get each other in the mood by watching porn stars get it on or by reading some stimulating erotic fiction. Even if she’s not normally into watching porn, when you’re trying to get dirty with each other, she may be open to incorporating a video or two. Erotic writing of a less-than-professional caliber can be found all over the internet, but there are also quality sexy stories available from people with actual skill. Take a trip to the bookstore together and pick out something that looks promising.

Initiate

You are probably going to have to be the one to make the first move if you want to get a little nastier in the bedroom. Even if you’ve piqued her interest, she’s still not likely to start things off herself. Start talking dirty, set the mood and hopefully she’ll follow your lead.

she may surprise you

For most women, revealing their private, filthy thoughts may be difficult, let alone actually acting on them with you. Once you get her comfortable talking about it, disclose some of your own secrets ideas, gather some inspiration and try new things. You may be surprised to find out that your girl is more of a freak in bed than you would’ve guessed.

6 Tips For The Sex Shop Trip

If you are interested in buying sex toys, condoms, bondage material, lingerie, lube, porn or anything else that may serve to change your sex life, but you aren't confident about shopping online just yet, then a sex shop is where you want to be.

If you have never been inside a sex shop, then you may have visions of S&M, scantily-clad women or even filth and grime. You couldn't be more wrong. Sex shops look like any other store, except that the products they sell happen to revolve solely around sex.

So if you're ready to head on down to a shop to do some browsing, and perhaps even make a purchase, here are some suggestions you may want to consider first.

1- Browse sex toys online beforehand

It is advisable to do some research at a virtual store before you head to a real shop. Check out what sex toys that the online shops have to offer and, when you find what you like, make a note of the product name and the manufacturer. Then head on down to the shop and make your purchase.

This way, you won't have to wander around aimlessly and you will have an idea of what to expect at a real sex shop.

2- Go with a girlfriend

Whether it's your girlfriend or just a friend (although a girlfriend is preferable), a woman may help you feel more comfortable in this environment as you'll have someone to communicate with about the different products.

3- Don't pass judgment

When you walk into the shop and the salesperson says, "Hi," reciprocate the greeting. This isn't a covert operation; there's a demand for these shops, otherwise they wouldn't exist.

As well, don't pass judgment on other shoppers; they may be newcomers or veterans, but regardless, a sex shop client is not a whore or a gigolo. And neither are you. But even if you were, people wouldn't know it just because you're at a sex shop.

Consult the help, act natural and, of course, shop when the place is empty.

4- Consult a salesperson

The people who work at sex shops are familiar with all the products in the store, so don't be shy -- ask for help. Sex toys can get expensive, so you should be well-informed before you make any purchase; I'm pretty sure there's a no-return policy.
And if you don't understand the purpose of a certain item, again, feel free to ask.

5- Act natural

If you think something is comical, it's OK to show it. The first time that I went to a sex shop, I laughed a whole lot, but I did so discreetly. Don't worry; the salespeople are used to it. Even if you think you've seen everything, you haven't. Nothing is shameful.

6- Head there when it's empty

While there is no guarantee that there won't be anyone there at any given time, weekends and evenings will usually reap more clients than, say, early Tuesday morning. If you're painfully shy about going to a sex shop for the first time, try heading there on a weekday so that you can fully understand how the establishment works.

shop till you flop

Sometimes a new outlook on sex can make your bedroom experience that much better, and where better to search for that outlook than at a sex shop? Even if you don't want to buy anything, heading there with your girl could serve to give you new ideas.

Until next time, try to find what you're looking for.

Orgasm Myths



We’ve come a long way since the days when science doubted the existence of the female orgasm. Today, a woman’s sexual satisfaction is a major field of study and the average couple has spent a great deal of time trying to improve her experience. This is certainly appreciated, but some of you may be trying too hard; her level of satisfaction may already be everything she could hope for. That’s right: You may be striving toward a goal that has been based entirely on myth. This misinformation circulates with surprising frequency and you may be shocked (if not relieved) to learn how wrong some of them are. Read on as we discuss, and set right, the biggest female orgasm myths around.

All women want a G-spot orgasm

Put in the simplest terms possible: This is a load of crap. While it’s true that many women lust for G-spot orgasms, it’s a complete orgasm myth that all women desire such a thing. For many women, having the G-spot stimulated -- even "correctly" -- results in a sensation that can only be described as extremely uncomfortable. It can make a woman feel like she needs to urinate immediately, and that’s never fun. It can also cause her to feel pain, and not in a sexy S&M kind of way, either. In fact, the whole stimulating the G-spot thing can annoy some women to the point where it completely turns them off for the rest of the evening. Yes, some women love having their G-spot stimulated -- but many don’t.

Women need a skilled partner to orgasm

Many men pride themselves on their ability to make a woman orgasm (and your skills are definitely appreciated), but the ultimate responsibility for a woman’s orgasm belongs to her. It’s perfectly normal for a woman to have difficulty achieving a vaginal orgasm -- that’s why God invented the clitoris. Meaning: She can still achieve a fabulous orgasm even if her lover is a virgin with limited experience and know-how. A man’s efforts are certainly helpful, but if she’s not achieving orgasm she has no one to blame but herself. Additionally, many women suffer from performance anxiety just as men do. If a woman falls into this category, even the most skillful of men wouldn’t be able to make her orgasm, regardless of his efforts.

Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves

This orgasm myth couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex feels good whether you have an orgasm or not, and when combined with the right level of intimacy, the experience can be immensely satisfying regardless of whether or not she climaxes. Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm. Why? Because, for some women kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying than anything you see in porn flicks. If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of your love session.

Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms

This orgasm myth is a bit like comparing apples and oranges. OK, not exactly, but you get the idea. The basic point is this: Both are perfectly lovely and they can be equally satisfying. The only reason vaginal orgasms are regarded as the Holy Grail of ecstasy is how infrequently they occur. Statistically speaking, it’s estimated that 30% of women will never even experience one and only 30% do so with regularity. That means you have a very good chance of dating or marrying a woman who will never achieve a vaginal orgasm. Unfair as that may sound, clitoral orgasms are not to be taken lightly; they can be absolutely earth-shattering under the right circumstances, and some women prefer them. Clitoral orgasms are wonderful and there is no reason to pity a woman who hasn’t experienced an orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

Women can’t ejaculate

Anyone who still believes this orgasm myth has clearly never seen a good porn film. Women can definitely ejaculate, and some can do so more forcefully (and with more volume) than men. It’s a relatively new acknowledgment in the scientific community, so the research still leaves something to be desired, but there’s plenty of evidence to support the claim. We know that women ejaculate through the urethra, just like men. Female ejaculate contains the same substances male ejaculate contains, and it’s produced in the "female prostate" -- an organ which is extremely similar to the male prostate, albeit smaller. Women seem to ejaculate primarily through direct stimulation of the G-spot (some scientists believe this is actually the urethral sponge), but not all women can or will experience ejaculation. So, if she doesn't have a gushing end, don't think she didn't enjoy herself, just try again another time.

orgasmic mythology

So there you have it: Five female orgasm myths totally debunked. While it’s admirable to concern yourself with your woman’s pleasure and level of satisfaction, you’re not solely responsible for her orgasm. If she doesn’t have one, she could still be having the time of her life. If, however, you really have your heart set on making her holler, we recommend asking her to masturbate for you, which will provide plenty of insight (and quite a show) into how she prefers to reach orgasm.



Sexual Positions Women Enjoy

Women love sex. In fact, some women think about it just as often, if not more, then their male counterparts. They fantasize constantly and at great length (with you being the object of their desire, of course). These hot little fantasies can cover a broad spectrum of kink, but almost always involve one of the five most common vaginal and anal sex positions women enjoy. This is due to a number of reasons, the most significant being that they create a perfect balance between level of difficulty and maximum pleasure. In other words, these sex positions women enjoy result in loads of pleasure for the minimal level of effort required to pull them off. That’s not to say that women don’t love your faves as well; they’re definitely into sexual acrobatics every now and then -- but when we’re getting down and dirty, certain sex positions tend to get women more wet than others.

Private lap dance

Most women love being on top for one simple reason: It makes them feel like they're in charge, and power is always a heady aphrodisiac. Being on top is not limited to one style, however. If you’re old-school, lie on your back and have her straddle your waist before lowering herself onto you; don’t forget to lend her some support by holding her hips while she rides you. If your woman doesn’t enjoy this style, it’s likely for one of two reasons: She may feel overexposed during the act, or her legs might be a bit too short to pull it off comfortably. The easy fix for this dilemma? Move to the sofa. Sit yourself down, lean back and pull her astride you. This is definitely one of the sex positions women enjoy because it allows her to brace herself against the back of the couch, giving her excellent leverage to ride you to orgasm. She can even brace herself with one hand, leaving the other free to play with her clit.

Sex position savvy: It may be tempting to just sit back and enjoy the scenery, but if you’d like to really rock her world, tease her breasts and nipples with your tongue and trace the curve of her waist with your fingers; these moves will magnify her pleasure.

The comfort zone

More commonly known as the missionary position, the comfort zone is not to be overlooked. Nor should any man ignore its tremendous potential for scorching hot sex. Yes, it can also make for predictable, boring sex a Puritan would admire, but only if you’re lacking passion and creativity. The comfort zone is one of the top sex positions women enjoy, and for good reason: the permutations for pleasure are virtually endless, and none of them involve discomfort or the skills of a gymnast. Take charge: Lay her down on the bed, spread her legs apart by sliding your knee between her thighs, place her wrists above her head and show her what you’re made of. Women love displays of dominance in the bedroom, and this one can be either subtle or overt, making it suitable for nearly every woman out there.

Sex position savvy: Take it to the next level by talking dirty to her. Bring your lips close to her ear and whisper what you’re going to do to her; let her know she’ll be screaming your name before it’s over.

Stand at erection

This sexual position women enjoy is pretty self-evident in the title: Your woman is going to sit on a surface that stands level with your waist, and then you’re going to penetrate her as deeply as you possibly can. The further her legs are spread apart the better, and you can maximize this by drawing her legs around your waist. This will place her vagina directly against your groin, and will make deep thrusting incredibly easy for you, thereby increasing her odds of having a G-spot orgasm. Where can you put this sexual position women enjoy to good use? Try the kitchen counter, the bathroom counter, the washing machine, the piano, the hood of your car -- get as naughty as you like.

Sex position savvy: Some men come relatively quickly in this position, thanks to it’s deep-thrusting potential. Don’t be afraid to slow down and take a break to get yourself back under control. Use that time to stimulate her clitoris and bring her closer to the edge. When you start thrusting again, she’ll be just as ready as you are.

Spooning it

The spoon position makes for fabulous sex, and it’s really no wonder that it's on this list of sexual positions women enjoy. A woman loves the feel of a man’s chest against her back, she loves the feel of your arms wrapped around her and she loves the feel of being penetrated from behind. She especially enjoys it in the spoon position, because it’s incredibly comfortable and still allows you to play with her breasts and clitoris, which, frankly, most women can never get enough of.

Slide behind your woman, pull her bottom backward against your groin, and slip her top leg over your hip, drawing it slightly backward as you do so. Having her thighs spread apart like this will make her feel deliciously naughty and she’ll probably arch her body to give you even further access. This is a very comfortable sexual position women enjoy, and you can expect a great deal of moaning to ensue.

Sex position savvy: Take advantage of this position by reaching around and stimulating her clitoris, and don’t forget to talk dirty to her as you do; this is one of the best positions for pillow talk.

Stoop doggy dog

You may be surprised to see doggy style making the list, but it really is one of the sexual positions women enjoy. That said, the doggy style you see in the average porn flick isn’t really what we’re talking about here -- we’re after something a bit more intimate and far more pleasurable. Yes, women do like being bent forward on all fours and taken from behind, but they like it even more when you bend forward as well, sliding your fingers between her thighs and toying with her clit. And women simply love it when you switch things up by pulling them into a kneeling position while you continue to thrust deeply. Women definitely enjoy doggy style, as long as they aren’t made to feel like objects.

Sex position savvy: While bending forward, gently nip your woman’s shoulders with your teeth; this area is very sensitive and most women enjoy being bitten there, as it greatly intensifies the sexual pleasure.

state your position please

As mentioned previously, women love sex just as much as you do, and they’re particularly fond of it when it involves any of these woman-pleasing sexual positions. While some women may not love each position on this list, rest assured that most do, and they’re happy to experiment for the sake of keeping things fresh and exciting. Women love those kinky positions, too, but sometimes a girl just wants a man to penetrate her in a style she knows she’ll be able to orgasm from. Try one of these sexual positions women enjoy and she probably will.

Last Longer In Bed: Ask Dr. Chaves

• Better Man in brief ...
• Kegel exercises are helpful in ejaculatory control.
• Communication is key when trying out sexy toys like handcuffs.
• Discuss grooming preferences (say, body hair) with your partner.

"Kegel exercises are helpful in strengthening your muscles and the foundation of ejaculatory control, but it’s not guaranteed. "

how to: last longer

Hi Dr. Chaves,

As you already know, it's very embarrassing for any man to admit that he has a problem in bed. When I've been with girls in the past, I have been embarrassed by the amount of time I last in bed. The issue isn't me having an orgasm before her, as the majority of the time she climaxed before me. It's the embarrassment of not lasting very long.

I don't want this to be the case with the new girl I’ve recently met. I was wondering if you had any useful tips for "training" myself to last longer. I've read that Kegel exercises can help after months of doing them, but I'm afraid that I don't have that much time. I considered buying a Fleshlight, but I thought that it would be just a little ridiculous to spend lots of money on something like that. Are there any ways I can increase my stamina in a quicker period of time than the Kegel exercises would take?

Bart, CA

The No. 1 sex question I get from men is about early ejaculation. For many men, it can be an embarrassing experience and a dark cloud that looms over the male psyche. You’re on the right track with your suggestions, but thinking this is a quick fix might put additional pressure on you. It takes time -- months for most. I wrote an article on AskMen with tips on overcoming premature ejaculation, which should be helpful in getting the process started.

Kegel exercises are helpful in strengthening your muscles and the foundation of ejaculatory control, but the exercises alone do not guarantee results. They are a part of a wide variety of techniques that can help give men the necessary ejaculatory control and confidence it takes to last longer.

The Fleshlight is a masturbatory device that can be great for learning to reach and sustain high levels of sensation near ejaculation. But it’s not going to magically make you last longer -- though it will probably make you smile more. It’s more of a tool to use with peaking exercises to stretch out your sexual response cycle, from arousal through to orgasm. Quick fixes aren’t the answer either; they're just ways to avoid looking at the question. Sure, you can use a penile desensitizing agent, wear a condom (hope you’re wearing one anyways) or ejaculate before sex, but do these options remedy the issue, or are they ways around effectively dealing with the issue head on?

Training your body and gaining confidence go hand in hand. Read the article and take the time necessary to make a positive impact on your mind and body. One day you’ll find yourself in a passionate, spur-of-the-moment situation, and your quick fixes may not be at your disposal. After that sexual interaction, you’ll be glad you took the time to train away early ejaculation.

all tied up

Dr. Chaves,

I’m so mad at myself. After months of begging, my girlfriend finally agreed to use some metal handcuffs I bought. The only problem is, these “fantasy handcuffs” made marks on her wrists, and she won’t try them again. I thought they’d be cool and OK since I got them at a sex shop, but she doesn’t want them anywhere near our bed. I’m really bummed; they got me really excited, and I really liked having her all tied up. How can I get her to use them again?

Damien, FL

You’re out of luck. I doubt she’s going to let you try using those handcuffs on her again. And why should she? They hurt and marked her. Sometimes novelty handcuffs are just that: novelties best suited for show than on your girlfriend’s wrists. They probably had some fuzzy leopard-looking fluff that covered the metal, but it’s still metal and not much different than what the cops use.

It’s time for some damage control, and you’ll need to find ways to repair what has been broken. First, apologize and let her know you didn’t mean for this to happen. Saying sorry often goes a long way. Ask her if she’s willing to consider trying a different method of bondage, one that is gentler on the wrists. If she agrees to consider it, maybe it’s time to decorate the walls of your dungeon and retire those metal handcuffs. Try using some soft scarves, and remember to tie the knot with space between the wrists (at least two fingers should fit between the scarf and her wrists).

There are plenty of good introduction books, like Jay Wiseman’s SM 101 or Race Bannon's Learning the Ropes, which teach bondage basics and proper knot-tying techniques that are easy to undo. Another option is to buy padded, leather wrist restraints. Nicer, but more expensive. You can find them at kinkier sex toy stores or online at various kink outlets, including my favorite vendor, The Stockroom. The attractive fetish model on the home page is wearing both wrist and ankle restraints.

backdoor loving

Chaves,

My new girlfriend has a thing she likes to do. She has touched me around my butt with her finger and it felt good, but a little weird. She now wants to give me a rim job. I’m a little scared that she keeps upping the ante (what’s next?), but I’m OK with doing this. The problem is that I have a hairy butt and I don’t know what to do? Shave, wax, nothing?

Anonymous

She seems open-minded, so here are some open-minded options. First, I’d ask her what she would like and get her opinion. Let’s be honest: My guess is that you don’t spend much time where the sun don’t shine. Unless you feel strongly, she may have more of an opinion about your butt crack grooming habits. While shaved or trimmed body hair turns on most people, others get aroused by a more natural look. A little fuzz could go a long way for her. By removing the hair, you might also remove some of her psychological turn-on. If she wants hair removal, it could also be erotic to ask if she wants to be included in the process. Many people enjoy either shaving their partner, watching or being a part of the process.

Shaving is less painful, but hair grows back quicker. Waxing is more painful, but the hair takes much longer to grow back. Remember that the anus should be clean (soap and scrub) and rimming can transmit infections. You can use a latex barrier (dental dam) to help protect yourself and your partner. In the end, you’re embracing her open-minded request and you both are showing some good communication.

achieving orgasm

Hi Dr. Chaves,

Since there are so many desensitizing products for men, is there something that increases the stimulus so that I can actually have an orgasm during sex, or is my problem larger than an over-the-counter product can fix? Do you believe I should consult a doctor?

Randy, IL

It could be any of those possibilities. Although a frustrating question for some early ejaculators, delayed ejaculation is an issue that is growing among men. Like most difficulties, there are quick fixes and long-term helpers. One suggestion is to try a warming lube. For many men, this stimulates the blood flow, increases sensation for heightened arousal and can lead to more pleasure and quicker orgasm. Test it out in small quantities on your arm or base of the penis, and see how your penis reacts.

It could also be an issue of mental arousal and negative self-fulfilling feedback loops (you think it will last too long, therefore it does). Sexually, are you engaging in behaviors that truly turn you on? Sometimes we keep our true desires inside because of fear or social judgment. For others, the concerns may be more deeply rooted. A therapist might ask if the problem has been a lifelong issue or if it occurred as a result of a negative event, such as a bad sexual experience or a trauma, or if it might be linked to a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. I would also want to look at your health history, current use of medications, and refer you to an MD for testing. In addition, many prescription drugs (who am I kidding -- illegal drugs too) have been linked to delayed ejaculation and inhibit orgasm. A lot to look into and rule out, but seeing a doctor and possibly a therapist can be helpful in working toward changing your mind-set about this issue.

What Women Love & Hate About Anal

• Better Man in brief ...
• Lubrication, anticipation and protection are all essential precursors to rear-entry.
• Though it can feel great and a little naughty, anal can hurt and may be messy.
• The most important tip for pleasurable anal is that both partners are comfortable.

"Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is disappearing: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction."

Anal sex is just one of those things: She either loves it, or she hates it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. The reason for this avoidance is clear: pain. If there was no pain, there was probably pleasure. Hence, love or hate.

It is true, however, that while you're trying to "get it right" there are likely to be some painful moments; however, practice makes perfect and it’s the ability to maneuver oneself and try different styles that allows anal sex to be pleasurable.

We've decided to let you in on what women love and hate about anal sex so that you can enter the situation sufficiently informed and ready to rock her world.

the allure of anal sex

For men and women, anal sex is a different, tighter sensation -- it’s a little bit naughty and it provides some variety to normal sex. Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is disappearing: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction. Once tried, however, anal sex can quickly lose its appeal for women (and some men). Here we will discuss some of the reasons why women love and hate anal sex.

why does she love anal sex?

Let’s start with the positives:

Because anal sex feels good

Women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation and it doesn’t feel like anything else she may have felt before -- it's deep inside, it's not her clitoris and it is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. Anal orgasms are possible.

Because anal sex is naughty

People love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your partner -- which is part of the fun. It is also often a "first time for everything" type of activity that can also be nice -- doing something you've never done before, ever.

why does she hate anal sex?

Now for what goes wrong:

Because anal sex hurts

Anal sex is not easy to master when you haven’t done it before. For a man it may seem straightforward -- in, out -- but it isn’t this simple. Women hate anal sex primarily because it hurts. It can cause cold sweats, shivers, extreme agony, and a massive chemical release into the blood stream that causes pain. This is highly unpleasant, but may be endured because A) She wants to like it; and B) She wants you to like it.

If you're not very careful, if you don’t warm her up properly, if you don’t go slowly enough, you will probably hurt her. This really minimizes your chances for trying anal sex again. Do your best every time and you have at least a fighting chance at having another go.

Because she's worried about a mess

Anal sex is obviously a hot spot for mess. The idea that you could penetrate her butt and come out in a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for her before it’s even happened, and for this reason she may avoid anal sex altogether. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell beautiful that to have something ruin her hard work can be mildly devastating. Worrying about mess can be alleviated by using an anal douche before engaging in any anal play. Try taking a shower together too, and make sure her bowels are emptied at least an hour before starting.

important facts about anal sex

Lubricant is essential

The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant in all your anal adventures. It is advisable to use a silicon-based lubricant because it tends to last longer and doesn't dry up very quickly like some water-based lubricants do. Don’t use sticky petroleum-based products like Vaseline, as they clog up the walls of the rectum and are much too sticky.

Tease her

It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her butt. When she's turned on, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Then, when you start to touch her closer to her anus, she will respond with moans and groans instead of a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with oils, relax her, love her, adore her, and caress her. Get her to the point where she is begging you for it, and do this without putting a single thing in her -- tease, tease, tease. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have -- use it to your advantage.

Condoms and hygiene

Disease can be passed through unprotected sex -- this includes anal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable. However, using condoms can be better for both partners, for other reasons. Women may not like to have a bottom full of semen, which quite frankly is a fair call. After the disruptions of anal sex, the semen mixes with the contents of the rectum and it can get a little "upset" in there. Using a condom avoids this trouble.

Condoms may also protect the penis from any stray fecal matter, though this is generally not a problem, and if it does occur can be washed off easily with no harm done. Men may like to wear a condom so they last a bit longer -- the condom desensitizes the penis somewhat, and allows for longer lovemaking.

what not to do

Do not ever put your penis into a woman’s body without her express permission. Do not treat her body like a scoring device. She is not an object for you to ejaculate in or on, and if she is kind enough to share her beautiful butt with you, treat it with respect and be happy you were allowed close enough to breathe her in at all. Don’t ejaculate inside of her if requested not to. Don’t slam, jackhammer or be forceful either.

what to always do

Always use lube. Always wear a condom if requested to without acting like a baby. Do as you are asked at all times -- anal sex is a delicate situation and she needs to be able to trust you.

Gender presumptions and anal sex

When a heterosexual couple thinks of anal sex, it is generally man-in-woman anal sex. To get a good understanding of what it's like -- and how to improve your performance -- it is necessary and helpful for you to open your mind to the possibility that anal sex is not something that only you do to your female lover, but something that you could do to each other.

Scared yet? Don’t be. If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Anal sex takes a lot of practice to perfect, and experimenting with one another is a fantastic way to deepen your connection and enhance your sex life and relationship. It does not have to involve sex toys. You can use fingers, tongues, oils, lubes, and any number of other things. Experiment, and let your own body be loved. It will pay off.

backdoor shenanigans

Anal sex is many things to many people. Do it right, and you’ll get to do it again. Do it wrong, and you may be doomed forever. Well, probably not forever -- but until she forgets how bad it was the first time around.

There are hundreds of anal sex guides online -- explicit instructions on how to do it right. If you read at least a dozen of them, you’ll probably have a good idea about how to start off. The best piece of advice we can give you is to make sure she is hot for it before you start. Then you really can’t lose.

The Sex Hurts, What Do I Do?

Lately I've found it can be painful to have sex. Is this because I'm not turned on, or is there a more serious cause?

 Pain during sex is quite common. In fact, most of us will have at least one experience where our "ooohs" are replaced with "ouch!" For instance, during the middle of your cycle, when you are ovulating and your ovary is swollen and tender, the penis may push against it and cause discomfort, especially when penetration is deep. (You may feel similar discomfort just before or after your period.) Switching to a position where penetration's not as deep — try lying on your sides, face-to-face — should solve the problem.

The most common cause of painful sex, though, is vaginal dryness. When you become aroused, your vagina "sweats" a slippery fluid that makes intercourse easy and pleasurable. When you do not produce enough fluid, you have two dry surfaces (a dry penis and a dry vagina) rubbing against each other — causing friction, heat, and burning. The resulting pain can last for hours, or sometimes days. Dryness most commonly occurs when we do not get enough foreplay, which gives your vagina the time it needs to lubricate and become longer and wider at the top, making insertion and movement of the penis easier. Women often need more time to become aroused after they've been in a relationship for a while. That's because that pizazz you had at the beginning — when just thinking about your partner was enough! — eventually dies down, and it takes more action to turn you on. As you age, too, your vagina may be drier due to a drop in estrogen levels, especially after giving birth and after menopause. Medications like antihistamines and birth control pills can also cause dryness. So devote more time to foreplay — that could mean anything from holding hands to nibbling his ear to dirty talk or blowing your hot breath over each other's bodies. Use your imagination! And try using a water-based lubricant (which won't break down a condom) to relieve dryness and make foreplay even more fun.

Discomfort may also stem from yeast, bacterial, or herpes infections, which can cause swelling and irritation of your vagina and vulva. Vestibulitis, an irritation of the glands that surround the opening of your vagina, can make even touching the opening unbearable; vaginismus, or involuntary spasms of the muscles surrounding your vagina, can make it almost impossible for a penis or even a finger to enter. (The cause of the former condition is unknown; the latter may be triggered by a painful past event, among other things.) Recurrent pain during deep penetration can also mean a medical problem — whether it's an ovarian cyst, endometriosis, fibroids, or a pelvic infection — so see your doctor if you're having it.