BDSM For Beginners....Letting Her Take Control

BDSM for Beginners... Letting Her Take Control

In the most basic form BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sado-masochism) is all about the erotic and sexual acts and mind sets of dominating and relinquishing control.

The basic principles can be extremely liberating, and in the long run if you engage with it, turn you on in a way that you would never even have thought about.

The fact that the standard media representation of BDSM is of something seedy and silly and sometimes make it feel like a taboo, but if women take the reins it can actually increase their sexual confidence and sense of agency, while giving men a break from having to be ‘on top’ psychologically as well as literally which is the standard dynamic for most couples.

The trick is to have an open mind to sexuality, obviously anything which causes harm to your partner or yourself isn’t good (well actually it’s illegal) but we’re all humans and exploring the parts that make us a little different is what can make a hugely beneficial relationship.

So if you’re thinking you’re into BDSM or want to explore it with your partner, what’s the next step?

The Big Reveal

Revealing to your partner that you want to explore BDSM might have you a little worried, but don’t worry there’s no need to be! There’s always ways of approaching things to play to your advantage…

Springing some hardcore moves on someone is the easiest way to put them off to BDSM for life, so either have a heart to heart explaining what it is exactly you’d like to try or just try taking the sex play in the BDSM direction next time you hook up.

If you’re the one that would enjoy dominating, arranging yourself physically on top is a good start, followed by a ‘my turn to take the lead’ remark or similar.

A protestation at this stage means a discussion is necessary before you venture further. If you get the green light, keep checking in with your partner with a series of erotic assertions- ‘so it turns you on when I press my hand over your mouth?’ for example.

Now that you’ve tested the waters with your guy, it’s time to get serious. If you want to really get to grips with dominating your guy, it’s time to have a look at these tips….

Me First

If you want to get your man to realize that you’re in control in the bedroom there’s no room to mess around. (Well a bit of laughter never hurt anyone, but stick to your guns.)

It’s all about letting him know you’re the one in charge.

Start by telling him he’s not going to get what he wants until you do. Then demand he pleasure you with his fingers or tongue before he gets so much as a nail laid on him.

He’ll be so turned on by your newfound ‘no nonsense naughtiness’ he’ll do anything you want him to.

Play To His Senses

We’re all aware that guys are pretty visual people right, so why not take that away from him and see what happens? Bet the reaction will surprise you.

Make him drop to his knees, blindfold him, and then walk around him in heels on a non-carpeted surface.

Lean in to trail your hands and/or hair about his body, or tease him with a dirty remark from time to time- all while he’s there blindfolded. The anticipation of your presence will be intoxicating.

The fact that he’s in such a submissive position, vulnerable to your every whim, will be so unusual he won’t know what to do with himself- in a good way of course.

Panties

This one might have you squirming at first, but it’s a guarantee to send him into over drive so bear with us.

To start, get him to remove your panties; right before he slides them off down around your ankles lightly slap his hands away. Continue taking them off yourself and place them on his face with the crotch along his mouth and nose.

The trick with this one is a little preparation. The whole point is that guys love the smell of ‘you’ so working I with a clean pair-so to speak- just isn’t going to do anything.

A few hours before you see him whip on your sexiest underwear and by the time you’ve done all these moves on him they’ll be ready to roll.

Yep we know what you’re thinking… but just try it and see for yourself.

Fantasies

This one is about really opening him up to you and will be as much of a turn on for you as it will for him.

Get him to confess the last extremely dirty fantasy he had about the pair of you while you slowly play with his member.

Every time he hesitates over a detail take your hand off his cock and don’t continue to play with him until he tells you what you want to hear!

Spank Him

Most girls get a casual spank from their partner from time to time but trying out spanking on your guy can be a bit of a shake up (make sure this is discussed prior to attempting).

Sit in a straight-backed, armless chair and order him across your stocking clad thighs for an old fashioned bare handed spanking. Place one hand on the back of his neck and slightly cup the other as you deliver slow firm strokes on the fleshiest part of his behind until he’s nicely pink.

If you really want to take it to the next level: Get him to count the strokes out load and say ‘Thank you Mistress/Goddess’ or any other superior term you see fit! (This may be a bit more advanced, but whatever you deem fit in the situation will be an instant turn on, and make sure there are consequences for messing up the count)!

Control Him

A lot of times sex can be controlled by the guy- this is exactly what you want to get away from in this dynamic.

Sit him on a chair and secure his hands behind his back with soft handcuffs (not the metal kind). Ride him like he’s your dildo and control his orgasm to suit you.

Seeing you have the time of your life purely from him will be mind blowing.

It’s All About You

Sitting on the edge of the bed or in a chair, have him give you a foot rub while you play with yourself.

Every time he falters because he’s distracted with what you’re doing, slide your foot under his balls and very gently kick upwards (CONSENT IS NECESSARY).

Warning: when we say ‘gently’ kick him in the balls we really mean it. Getting carried away at this point could ruin the moment, if not relationship, in quite a significant way.

One Last Piece of Advice

One last piece of advice before we leave you to your own Dominatrix devices… whether you are dominating, submitting, switching, or merely exploring- be confident about your body and desires; it’s the ultimate aphrodisiac.