Showing posts with label BDSM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BDSM. Show all posts

Thursday, June 6, 2013

For The Love of Spanking

For The Love Of Spanking

Yes, spanking can be sexy, and a majority of women have fantasies about being spanked. Most men, too, find spanking a women to be a strong sexual turn-on.

But sexual spanking is not the same as the punishment spanking we may have experienced as children.

For a woman, the turn-on is not so much in the sensation of pain as it is in the feeling of helpless submission and vulnerability of being bent over her partner’s lap, the attention being paid to her behind (a primary erotic zone), the feeling of a man’s hand warming her butt, and the anticipation of sexual pleasures to come.

For a man, the arousing aspect of spanking is the feeling of control and power over his helpless lover, and the excitement of playing with her attractive bottom, turning it pink and putting her in the mood for some hot, passionate, carnal, sex.

To master the art of erotic spanking, it is important to understand the following six principles..

-- The butt is a prime erogenous zone; however, unlike other zones such as the breasts and back of the neck, the sexual arousal nerves in the bottom are buried in a layer of fat and require harder stimulation- like in spanking- to trigger them.

-- The physiological process of sexual arousal demands that before orgasm can occur, blood must be collected and kept in the genitals and nearby areas. Spanking creates just such physiological response, as the stinging of the skin causes blood to collect in the bottom (and simultaneously in the nearby genitals), thus accomplishing ‘mechanically’ what caresses and kisses do psychologically.

-- A properly done spanking, such as over the knee or with a cushion or other support propping up the woman’s bottom, causes the bottom to squirm from the sting, simultaneously resulting in her rubbing her clitoris on the supporting knee, pillow, etc.

-- The feeling of “surrender” or submission is an important part of a woman’s sexual response, as many women need to give up control and give themselves “permission” to feel sexual. Spanking incites and reinforces such feelings.

--However, a woman must feel safe before she can give up control and surrender. Therefore, you must first earn her trust before attempting the game of erotic spanking. You must equate spanking with sexual pleasure, eschewing any anger, sado-masochistic impulses or desires to humiliate her.


-- The tacit understanding, no matter what the role play, should be that spanking is a form of foreplay, and that orgasm is the goal of both players. Therefore, the actual spanks should be mixed with caresses and gentle rubbing of her bottom and genitalia, and other foreplay if possible (like adding toys, vibrating wands, etc).

Sexual Spanking

To use spanking in your sexual repertoire, it is always good to do a little role playing.  You can play the stern guardian or headmaster punishing the naughty schoolgirl, or the offended husband or lover pretending to punish his wife or girlfriend for some imaginary transgression.

There are hundreds of roles that can be used as an “excuse” to give your lover a sexy over-the-knee spanking, but whatever role you choose to play, here are some tips to make it especially sexy…

1. Give her a specific “punishment” time and make her wait for it.
The anticipation will add to her sexual arousal and increase her receptivity. You can accentuate this by making her wear ben wa balls or play with herself at regular intervals while waiting for her spanking. Of course, you will want to ensure that she obeys your instructions and that she knows her spanking will be harder if she disobeys.

2. Order her to “prepare herself” for her spanking.
This could mean taking a bath and making herself clean and beautiful, or dressing in a particular way (i.e in a schoolgirl outfit, in sexy lingerie, or a sexy costume). Tell her that the length of her spanking will depend on how beautiful you find her at the appointed time. These acts of preparing herself will have a direct effect on her state of arousal, as it will make her think about it constantly.

3. Take your time to inspect her appearance when she presents herself for her spanking.
Comment on every aspect that might add to her punishment or subtract from it, and let your eyes and hands inspect every inch of her body. The intense scrutiny you are giving her will intensify her excitement.

4. Before beginning the spanking, make her perform a ritual.
This could be kneeling in front of you and begging for forgiveness for the imaginary transgression. Always agree that she will be forgiven after her “punishment,” as you don’t want to humiliate her. You should act as if you are only spanking her “for her own good,” and you might even tell her about how you intend to ravish her if she is a “good girl” during her spanking.

So what should you do once you have her across your knees? Find out how to perform the perfect sexual spanking...
5. When she is across your knees, take your time before starting.
Play with her bottom, squeezing and “testing” its firmness and fullness; you can feel between her legs to see if she is getting wet. Tell her what you are going to do to her bottom, and how it will look in a few minutes. If you feel her trembling with excitement, you know she is really ready!

6. Ease into the heavier spanking.
When you actually start the spanking, you may start by spanking her over her clothing, then over her panties (if you have her wearing them). Once you have warmed her butt, you will always want to spank her on her bare bottom, as that is the sexiest kind of spanking.

Alternate a dozen or so spanks with rubs of her butt, using firm but very sexual stroking to spread the warmth all over her rump. A finger between her legs can be used to get her breathing faster. You can also alternate spanks with gentle rubbing of her clitoris, tugging of her labia, or caressing her anus. This will make her associate spanking with other pleasurable sensations, thus conditioning her to get aroused to spanking. Take your time, savoring every smack and every feel of that delectable behind.

7. Use the right technique.
The slightly cupped palm with fingers together is the best way to spank, as it makes a good smacking sound and reddens the skin without causing excessive pain. If she seems to be unmoved by such spanks, you can give her a few with a flat palm and spread (relaxed) fingers- those are the stingiest- until she squirms or responds.

A slow tempo, with an irregular rhythm, is the best technique, as the moments of anticipation between each stroke add to the tension; and if she cannot tell when the next stroke might fall, it is doubly effective in increasing her arousal.  Again, take your time. Remember, it is not the number of spanks or how hard they are that brings her to a high state of sexual readiness.  It is how long and how deeply she feels her submissive helplessness and total sexual stimulation of her bottom that is the key.



Spank Her Right

A really good spanker can sometimes bring her partner to climax from such a sexy over-the-knee spanking. But every lover who knows his partner’s symptoms of arousal can judge when the time is right to shift her from the spanking position to implement on his erect shaft, which should be hard and ready from having her naked bottom squirming over it.


So take our advice and give it a try…use your hands and let the new heights of intimacy over take you both. Don’t worry…you can thank us later.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

BDSM For Beginners....Letting Her Take Control

BDSM for Beginners... Letting Her Take Control

In the most basic form BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sado-masochism) is all about the erotic and sexual acts and mind sets of dominating and relinquishing control.

The basic principles can be extremely liberating, and in the long run if you engage with it, turn you on in a way that you would never even have thought about.

The fact that the standard media representation of BDSM is of something seedy and silly and sometimes make it feel like a taboo, but if women take the reins it can actually increase their sexual confidence and sense of agency, while giving men a break from having to be ‘on top’ psychologically as well as literally which is the standard dynamic for most couples.

The trick is to have an open mind to sexuality, obviously anything which causes harm to your partner or yourself isn’t good (well actually it’s illegal) but we’re all humans and exploring the parts that make us a little different is what can make a hugely beneficial relationship.

So if you’re thinking you’re into BDSM or want to explore it with your partner, what’s the next step?

The Big Reveal
Revealing to your partner that you want to explore BDSM might have you a little worried, but don’t worry there’s no need to be! There’s always ways of approaching things to play to your advantage…

Springing some hardcore moves on someone is the easiest way to put them off to BDSM for life, so either have a heart to heart explaining what it is exactly you’d like to try or just try taking the sex play in the BDSM direction next time you hook up.

If you’re the one that would enjoy dominating, arranging yourself physically on top is a good start, followed by a ‘my turn to take the lead’ remark or similar.

A protestation at this stage means a discussion is necessary before you venture further. If you get the green light, keep checking in with your partner with a series of erotic assertions- ‘so it turns you on when I press my hand over your mouth?’ for example.

Now that you’ve tested the waters with your guy, it’s time to get serious. If you want to really get to grips with dominating your guy, it’s time to have a look at these tips….


Me First
If you want to get your man to realize that you’re in control in the bedroom there’s no room to mess around. (Well a bit of laughter never hurt anyone, but stick to your guns.)

It’s all about letting him know you’re the one in charge.

Start by telling him he’s not going to get what he wants until you do. Then demand he pleasure you with his fingers or tongue before he gets so much as a nail laid on him.

He’ll be so turned on by your newfound ‘no nonsense naughtiness’ he’ll do anything you want him to.

Play To His Senses
We’re all aware that guys are pretty visual people right, so why not take that away from him and see what happens? Bet the reaction will surprise you.

Make him drop to his knees, blindfold him, and then walk around him in heels on a non-carpeted surface.

Lean in to trail your hands and/or hair about his body, or tease him with a dirty remark from time to time- all while he’s there blindfolded. The anticipation of your presence will be intoxicating.

The fact that he’s in such a submissive position, vulnerable to your every whim, will be so unusual he won’t know what to do with himself- in a good way of course.

Panties
This one might have you squirming at first, but it’s a guarantee to send him into over drive so bear with us.

To start, get him to remove your panties; right before he slides them off down around your ankles lightly slap his hands away. Continue taking them off yourself and place them on his face with the crotch along his mouth and nose.

The trick with this one is a little preparation. The whole point is that guys love the smell of ‘you’ so working I with a clean pair-so to speak- just isn’t going to do anything.

A few hours before you see him whip on your sexiest underwear and by the time you’ve done all these moves on him they’ll be ready to roll.
Yep we know what you’re thinking… but just try it and see for yourself.

Fantasies
This one is about really opening him up to you and will be as much of a turn on for you as it will for him.

Get him to confess the last extremely dirty fantasy he had about the pair of you while you slowly play with his member.

Every time he hesitates over a detail take your hand off his cock and don’t continue to play with him until he tells you what you want to hear!

Spank Him
Most girls get a casual spank from their partner from time to time but trying out spanking on your guy can be a bit of a shake up (make sure this is discussed prior to attempting).

Sit in a straight-backed, armless chair and order him across your stocking clad thighs for an old fashioned bare handed spanking. Place one hand on the back of his neck and slightly cup the other as you deliver slow firm strokes on the fleshiest part of his behind until he’s nicely pink.

If you really want to take it to the next level: Get him to count the strokes out load and say ‘Thank you Mistress/Goddess’ or any other superior term you see fit! (This may be a bit more advanced, but whatever you deem fit in the situation will be an instant turn on, and make sure there are consequences for messing up the count)!

Control Him
A lot of times sex can be controlled by the guy- this is exactly what you want to get away from in this dynamic.

Sit him on a chair and secure his hands behind his back with soft handcuffs (not the metal kind). Ride him like he’s your dildo and control his orgasm to suit you.

Seeing you have the time of your life purely from him will be mind blowing.

It’s All About You
Sitting on the edge of the bed or in a chair, have him give you a foot rub while you play with yourself.

Every time he falters because he’s distracted with what you’re doing, slide your foot under his balls and very gently kick upwards (CONSENT IS NECESSARY).

Warning: when we say ‘gently’ kick him in the balls we really mean it. Getting carried away at this point could ruin the moment, if not relationship, in quite a significant way.

One Last Piece of Advice

One last piece of advice before we leave you to your own Dominatrix devices… whether you are dominating, submitting, switching, or merely exploring- be confident about your body and desires; it’s the ultimate aphrodisiac.





Wednesday, May 23, 2012

50 Shades of Kink...

With all the hype of the infamous book
that has made BDSM practically bust into the mainstream,
making even suburban/city mommys enticed by the BDSM scene or
having them thinking of adding a little something more in the bedroom.
How about we go over a little
BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission/Sadism, Masochism) 101.



 First, what is BDSM all about?
BDSM is not a slavery aspect...it's a self conscious choice and a consensual agreement between adults.
BDSM plays with your other senses and is not solely devoted to sex.
It plays with you spiritually, mentally, physically and exploring all sorts of new sensations.
It allows you to explore your fantasies and go beyond role playing.
To solely get your BDSM 'Tips' & 'Education' from porno movies, is a bad idea...
Pornos with BDSM is made for 'Entertainment'.
BDSM relationship is more than that,
it's an allowance to have someone win your trust and vice versa.

So, you want to simply dip your toe in the pond of BDSM... 



A great starter for beginners to such activities...



having a blindfold on, makes the simplest touch have a completely different feeling.
Not knowing what's coming or where, makes your nerve endings have a shock of feelings.

Adding a restraint...

whether you choose handcuffs...

or

Allowing yourself to be restrained is a way of showing your partner,
that you trust,
that you give up the will to move,
and are allowing your partner to have their way with you.


Perhaps a bit of  role playing,
for someone being bad...
and maybe needing a spanking.

Whether you choose to use your hand or with a softer rope whip, for instance a

This a an ideal starter for it's softer appeal.
Instead of a leather one(which are a great classic to the whip family),
a silk rope whip is less intimidating and once you feel this soft whip you'll want two
(seriously, it's very soft!)


Which ever little piece of kink you choose...
remember to have fun responsibly and with consent!