Last Longer In Bed: Ask Dr. Chaves

• Better Man in brief ...
• Kegel exercises are helpful in ejaculatory control.
• Communication is key when trying out sexy toys like handcuffs.
• Discuss grooming preferences (say, body hair) with your partner.

"Kegel exercises are helpful in strengthening your muscles and the foundation of ejaculatory control, but it’s not guaranteed. "

how to: last longer

Hi Dr. Chaves,

As you already know, it's very embarrassing for any man to admit that he has a problem in bed. When I've been with girls in the past, I have been embarrassed by the amount of time I last in bed. The issue isn't me having an orgasm before her, as the majority of the time she climaxed before me. It's the embarrassment of not lasting very long.

I don't want this to be the case with the new girl I’ve recently met. I was wondering if you had any useful tips for "training" myself to last longer. I've read that Kegel exercises can help after months of doing them, but I'm afraid that I don't have that much time. I considered buying a Fleshlight, but I thought that it would be just a little ridiculous to spend lots of money on something like that. Are there any ways I can increase my stamina in a quicker period of time than the Kegel exercises would take?

Bart, CA

The No. 1 sex question I get from men is about early ejaculation. For many men, it can be an embarrassing experience and a dark cloud that looms over the male psyche. You’re on the right track with your suggestions, but thinking this is a quick fix might put additional pressure on you. It takes time -- months for most. I wrote an article on AskMen with tips on overcoming premature ejaculation, which should be helpful in getting the process started.

Kegel exercises are helpful in strengthening your muscles and the foundation of ejaculatory control, but the exercises alone do not guarantee results. They are a part of a wide variety of techniques that can help give men the necessary ejaculatory control and confidence it takes to last longer.

The Fleshlight is a masturbatory device that can be great for learning to reach and sustain high levels of sensation near ejaculation. But it’s not going to magically make you last longer -- though it will probably make you smile more. It’s more of a tool to use with peaking exercises to stretch out your sexual response cycle, from arousal through to orgasm. Quick fixes aren’t the answer either; they're just ways to avoid looking at the question. Sure, you can use a penile desensitizing agent, wear a condom (hope you’re wearing one anyways) or ejaculate before sex, but do these options remedy the issue, or are they ways around effectively dealing with the issue head on?

Training your body and gaining confidence go hand in hand. Read the article and take the time necessary to make a positive impact on your mind and body. One day you’ll find yourself in a passionate, spur-of-the-moment situation, and your quick fixes may not be at your disposal. After that sexual interaction, you’ll be glad you took the time to train away early ejaculation.

all tied up

Dr. Chaves,

I’m so mad at myself. After months of begging, my girlfriend finally agreed to use some metal handcuffs I bought. The only problem is, these “fantasy handcuffs” made marks on her wrists, and she won’t try them again. I thought they’d be cool and OK since I got them at a sex shop, but she doesn’t want them anywhere near our bed. I’m really bummed; they got me really excited, and I really liked having her all tied up. How can I get her to use them again?

Damien, FL

You’re out of luck. I doubt she’s going to let you try using those handcuffs on her again. And why should she? They hurt and marked her. Sometimes novelty handcuffs are just that: novelties best suited for show than on your girlfriend’s wrists. They probably had some fuzzy leopard-looking fluff that covered the metal, but it’s still metal and not much different than what the cops use.

It’s time for some damage control, and you’ll need to find ways to repair what has been broken. First, apologize and let her know you didn’t mean for this to happen. Saying sorry often goes a long way. Ask her if she’s willing to consider trying a different method of bondage, one that is gentler on the wrists. If she agrees to consider it, maybe it’s time to decorate the walls of your dungeon and retire those metal handcuffs. Try using some soft scarves, and remember to tie the knot with space between the wrists (at least two fingers should fit between the scarf and her wrists).

There are plenty of good introduction books, like Jay Wiseman’s SM 101 or Race Bannon's Learning the Ropes, which teach bondage basics and proper knot-tying techniques that are easy to undo. Another option is to buy padded, leather wrist restraints. Nicer, but more expensive. You can find them at kinkier sex toy stores or online at various kink outlets, including my favorite vendor, The Stockroom. The attractive fetish model on the home page is wearing both wrist and ankle restraints.

backdoor loving

Chaves,

My new girlfriend has a thing she likes to do. She has touched me around my butt with her finger and it felt good, but a little weird. She now wants to give me a rim job. I’m a little scared that she keeps upping the ante (what’s next?), but I’m OK with doing this. The problem is that I have a hairy butt and I don’t know what to do? Shave, wax, nothing?

Anonymous

She seems open-minded, so here are some open-minded options. First, I’d ask her what she would like and get her opinion. Let’s be honest: My guess is that you don’t spend much time where the sun don’t shine. Unless you feel strongly, she may have more of an opinion about your butt crack grooming habits. While shaved or trimmed body hair turns on most people, others get aroused by a more natural look. A little fuzz could go a long way for her. By removing the hair, you might also remove some of her psychological turn-on. If she wants hair removal, it could also be erotic to ask if she wants to be included in the process. Many people enjoy either shaving their partner, watching or being a part of the process.

Shaving is less painful, but hair grows back quicker. Waxing is more painful, but the hair takes much longer to grow back. Remember that the anus should be clean (soap and scrub) and rimming can transmit infections. You can use a latex barrier (dental dam) to help protect yourself and your partner. In the end, you’re embracing her open-minded request and you both are showing some good communication.

achieving orgasm

Hi Dr. Chaves,

Since there are so many desensitizing products for men, is there something that increases the stimulus so that I can actually have an orgasm during sex, or is my problem larger than an over-the-counter product can fix? Do you believe I should consult a doctor?

Randy, IL

It could be any of those possibilities. Although a frustrating question for some early ejaculators, delayed ejaculation is an issue that is growing among men. Like most difficulties, there are quick fixes and long-term helpers. One suggestion is to try a warming lube. For many men, this stimulates the blood flow, increases sensation for heightened arousal and can lead to more pleasure and quicker orgasm. Test it out in small quantities on your arm or base of the penis, and see how your penis reacts.

It could also be an issue of mental arousal and negative self-fulfilling feedback loops (you think it will last too long, therefore it does). Sexually, are you engaging in behaviors that truly turn you on? Sometimes we keep our true desires inside because of fear or social judgment. For others, the concerns may be more deeply rooted. A therapist might ask if the problem has been a lifelong issue or if it occurred as a result of a negative event, such as a bad sexual experience or a trauma, or if it might be linked to a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. I would also want to look at your health history, current use of medications, and refer you to an MD for testing. In addition, many prescription drugs (who am I kidding -- illegal drugs too) have been linked to delayed ejaculation and inhibit orgasm. A lot to look into and rule out, but seeing a doctor and possibly a therapist can be helpful in working toward changing your mind-set about this issue.

What Women Love & Hate About Anal

• Better Man in brief ...
• Lubrication, anticipation and protection are all essential precursors to rear-entry.
• Though it can feel great and a little naughty, anal can hurt and may be messy.
• The most important tip for pleasurable anal is that both partners are comfortable.

"Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is disappearing: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction."

Anal sex is just one of those things: She either loves it, or she hates it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. The reason for this avoidance is clear: pain. If there was no pain, there was probably pleasure. Hence, love or hate.

It is true, however, that while you're trying to "get it right" there are likely to be some painful moments; however, practice makes perfect and it’s the ability to maneuver oneself and try different styles that allows anal sex to be pleasurable.

We've decided to let you in on what women love and hate about anal sex so that you can enter the situation sufficiently informed and ready to rock her world.

the allure of anal sex

For men and women, anal sex is a different, tighter sensation -- it’s a little bit naughty and it provides some variety to normal sex. Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is disappearing: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction. Once tried, however, anal sex can quickly lose its appeal for women (and some men). Here we will discuss some of the reasons why women love and hate anal sex.

why does she love anal sex?

Let’s start with the positives:

Because anal sex feels good

Women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation and it doesn’t feel like anything else she may have felt before -- it's deep inside, it's not her clitoris and it is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. Anal orgasms are possible.

Because anal sex is naughty

People love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your partner -- which is part of the fun. It is also often a "first time for everything" type of activity that can also be nice -- doing something you've never done before, ever.

why does she hate anal sex?

Now for what goes wrong:

Because anal sex hurts

Anal sex is not easy to master when you haven’t done it before. For a man it may seem straightforward -- in, out -- but it isn’t this simple. Women hate anal sex primarily because it hurts. It can cause cold sweats, shivers, extreme agony, and a massive chemical release into the blood stream that causes pain. This is highly unpleasant, but may be endured because A) She wants to like it; and B) She wants you to like it.

If you're not very careful, if you don’t warm her up properly, if you don’t go slowly enough, you will probably hurt her. This really minimizes your chances for trying anal sex again. Do your best every time and you have at least a fighting chance at having another go.

Because she's worried about a mess

Anal sex is obviously a hot spot for mess. The idea that you could penetrate her butt and come out in a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for her before it’s even happened, and for this reason she may avoid anal sex altogether. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell beautiful that to have something ruin her hard work can be mildly devastating. Worrying about mess can be alleviated by using an anal douche before engaging in any anal play. Try taking a shower together too, and make sure her bowels are emptied at least an hour before starting.

important facts about anal sex

Lubricant is essential

The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant in all your anal adventures. It is advisable to use a silicon-based lubricant because it tends to last longer and doesn't dry up very quickly like some water-based lubricants do. Don’t use sticky petroleum-based products like Vaseline, as they clog up the walls of the rectum and are much too sticky.

Tease her

It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her butt. When she's turned on, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Then, when you start to touch her closer to her anus, she will respond with moans and groans instead of a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with oils, relax her, love her, adore her, and caress her. Get her to the point where she is begging you for it, and do this without putting a single thing in her -- tease, tease, tease. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have -- use it to your advantage.

Condoms and hygiene

Disease can be passed through unprotected sex -- this includes anal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable. However, using condoms can be better for both partners, for other reasons. Women may not like to have a bottom full of semen, which quite frankly is a fair call. After the disruptions of anal sex, the semen mixes with the contents of the rectum and it can get a little "upset" in there. Using a condom avoids this trouble.

Condoms may also protect the penis from any stray fecal matter, though this is generally not a problem, and if it does occur can be washed off easily with no harm done. Men may like to wear a condom so they last a bit longer -- the condom desensitizes the penis somewhat, and allows for longer lovemaking.

what not to do

Do not ever put your penis into a woman’s body without her express permission. Do not treat her body like a scoring device. She is not an object for you to ejaculate in or on, and if she is kind enough to share her beautiful butt with you, treat it with respect and be happy you were allowed close enough to breathe her in at all. Don’t ejaculate inside of her if requested not to. Don’t slam, jackhammer or be forceful either.

what to always do

Always use lube. Always wear a condom if requested to without acting like a baby. Do as you are asked at all times -- anal sex is a delicate situation and she needs to be able to trust you.

Gender presumptions and anal sex

When a heterosexual couple thinks of anal sex, it is generally man-in-woman anal sex. To get a good understanding of what it's like -- and how to improve your performance -- it is necessary and helpful for you to open your mind to the possibility that anal sex is not something that only you do to your female lover, but something that you could do to each other.

Scared yet? Don’t be. If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Anal sex takes a lot of practice to perfect, and experimenting with one another is a fantastic way to deepen your connection and enhance your sex life and relationship. It does not have to involve sex toys. You can use fingers, tongues, oils, lubes, and any number of other things. Experiment, and let your own body be loved. It will pay off.

backdoor shenanigans

Anal sex is many things to many people. Do it right, and you’ll get to do it again. Do it wrong, and you may be doomed forever. Well, probably not forever -- but until she forgets how bad it was the first time around.

There are hundreds of anal sex guides online -- explicit instructions on how to do it right. If you read at least a dozen of them, you’ll probably have a good idea about how to start off. The best piece of advice we can give you is to make sure she is hot for it before you start. Then you really can’t lose.

The Sex Hurts, What Do I Do?

Lately I've found it can be painful to have sex. Is this because I'm not turned on, or is there a more serious cause?

 Pain during sex is quite common. In fact, most of us will have at least one experience where our "ooohs" are replaced with "ouch!" For instance, during the middle of your cycle, when you are ovulating and your ovary is swollen and tender, the penis may push against it and cause discomfort, especially when penetration is deep. (You may feel similar discomfort just before or after your period.) Switching to a position where penetration's not as deep — try lying on your sides, face-to-face — should solve the problem.

The most common cause of painful sex, though, is vaginal dryness. When you become aroused, your vagina "sweats" a slippery fluid that makes intercourse easy and pleasurable. When you do not produce enough fluid, you have two dry surfaces (a dry penis and a dry vagina) rubbing against each other — causing friction, heat, and burning. The resulting pain can last for hours, or sometimes days. Dryness most commonly occurs when we do not get enough foreplay, which gives your vagina the time it needs to lubricate and become longer and wider at the top, making insertion and movement of the penis easier. Women often need more time to become aroused after they've been in a relationship for a while. That's because that pizazz you had at the beginning — when just thinking about your partner was enough! — eventually dies down, and it takes more action to turn you on. As you age, too, your vagina may be drier due to a drop in estrogen levels, especially after giving birth and after menopause. Medications like antihistamines and birth control pills can also cause dryness. So devote more time to foreplay — that could mean anything from holding hands to nibbling his ear to dirty talk or blowing your hot breath over each other's bodies. Use your imagination! And try using a water-based lubricant (which won't break down a condom) to relieve dryness and make foreplay even more fun.

Discomfort may also stem from yeast, bacterial, or herpes infections, which can cause swelling and irritation of your vagina and vulva. Vestibulitis, an irritation of the glands that surround the opening of your vagina, can make even touching the opening unbearable; vaginismus, or involuntary spasms of the muscles surrounding your vagina, can make it almost impossible for a penis or even a finger to enter. (The cause of the former condition is unknown; the latter may be triggered by a painful past event, among other things.) Recurrent pain during deep penetration can also mean a medical problem — whether it's an ovarian cyst, endometriosis, fibroids, or a pelvic infection — so see your doctor if you're having it.

What should I do with his balls during oral sex?

My boyfriend recently asked me to pay more attention to his balls when I give him a blow job. I do play with them, but I think he wants me to suck them, too. I've never heard of this. Do you have any advice?

Your guy's request is far from unusual. Sucking on his testicles can make for an incredibly sensational experience -- and you'll double his pleasure if you simultaneously fondle his shaft. Next time you're giving him south-of-the-border oral action, take a sexy detour and move your mouth from his main member to the rest of his package. Swirl the tip of your tongue around his scrotum -- the loose sac of skin that surrounds the testicles. Then, lick his balls with long, sweeping strokes as if you were savoring a delicious ice cream cone. Mix it up and intermittently purse your lips and suck softly on the skin or take each testicle all the way into your mouth. One overlooked hot spot you shouldn't ignore: his raphe (the vertical line in the middle of his scrotal sac). You'll make his toes curl if you feverishly flick it with your tongue.

Once you've worked him into a frenzy, switch back to sensuously licking his penis as you gently manhandle his balls. Some guys like it a little rough, but this can be a supersensitive area, so find out how hard he wants to be touched before applying more muscle. One tactical trick that's sure to send him reeling: Use your finger to gently rub his perineum (the nerve-packed patch of skin that is between his scrotum and his anus), and you're likely to launch him into orgasmic orbit.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

Everybody heard rumours about women faking orgasms. Is that true? The majority of women have faked at least one orgasm, yet some fake almost all of them. Why do they do that? There are many reasons and the case is that there's no one to blame.

The most common are two reasons: they don't want to make their partners feel bad or they are tired and just want to end sex. Most females say that their partners are not satisfied until the girls feels orgasm, there's only one way to make them feel happy and stop the exhausting procedure - fake.

Another reason is that a typical female doesn't seek for orgasm; she desires a sexual relationship only because she wants intimacy. Still, such an attitude may make her partner feel bad. The only way out is to fake it out.

 Some women never really experience orgasm while making sex, but they want their partner to feel good about himself and her. Men usually expect women to have pleasure, that's why females have no other choice. They have to fake to have a good relationship.

Loss of interest, having sex only because the partner wants to, also makes women to fake. Most females talk to their friends about such things and while they know other women act it, they do so too, because it's an easier way to have a good relationship.

When a man tries very hard, sometimes even too hard to make his woman have an orgasm, the woman usually finds it better to fake it than to disappoint her partner once again. They fear rejection if a man wouldn't understand her, they don't want to offend men because the absence of an orgasm is actually not their fault.

Some women may have health problems. If, while experiencing she becomes too sensitive and wants to stop, she fakes an orgasm in order to stop and relax. Orgasm may also cause discomfort and pain; that's a serious problem and she can't be blamed for faking. In such cases, most women prefer and enjoy orgasm more during solitary masturbation. Although they feel better while having orgasm themselves, they want to make their partner feel good too, so they act an orgasm out.

A female orgasm can be most easily faked by a good actress. There are few options: gripping something tightly; moaning loudly; breathing deeply; burying face into something (pillow); doing kegels or anything else at least remotely dramatic or climatic.

What to do if you think your partner is faking? Talk about it. Maybe she knows some special position or action that would make her happy. Don't get angry if she admits faking. Try to solve the problem, but don't get too far, don't try too hard because it may become an exhausting activity rather than an act of love.

Women act and men can do nothing about it; and maybe they shouldn't? Try to find out the real reasons of faking and discus possible ways out. Don't blame your partner for it; it's natural for women to do so from time to time. Show her your passion, love and try to understand her.

3 Weird Signs He's Into You

Each of these behaviors is a dead giveaway that a man is sweating you. Catch your date doing one? Awesome. Catch your BF of five years? Even more awesome.

He orders the steak.
Even if a guy secretly prefers the pasta, he'll opt for a more macho choice to assert his manliness, according to a Northwestern University study. So if he consistently goes for the most dudelike thing on the menu, like a big slab of meat, you know he's trying to impress you.

He starts talking like you.
Research from the University of California at Riverside shows that people subconsciously pick up each other's speech patterns (even accents) in conversation. "A man will unknowingly mimic how you talk to seem more likable," says Jessica Lakin, PhD, a psychology professor at Drew University. In an LTR? Slip a new verbal tic (like "anyways") into convos and see if he does it too.

His mind goes blank.
A recent study found that when a guy is attracted to a woman, he'll concentrate so much brain power on wowing her that he'll temporarily lose his short-term memory for basic facts, like the name of the company you work for or your roommate. Aw, that's kinda cute.

Experience ''OMG, Yes!'' Pleasure Tonight

Of all the techniques out there that lead to total female satisfaction, these are the ones experts say the majority of women overlook way too often.

1. Do It Before Sundown
Most of us get it on before bed, but that isn't the best time for women to have sex, says Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex. Not only are you sleepy, but postwork worries cause your body to release the hormone cortisol, squashing your sex drive. In the a.m., women and men have naturally higher testosterone levels (which explains his morning wood). So set your alarm to go off earlier, and give him a sexy wake-up call.

2. Treat Him Like a Sex Object
"Women spend too much energy worrying about turning a guy on," says Joel Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First. To enjoy sex more, be selfish. Ogle your guy as if he were Taylor Lautner in Eclipse. By assuming the role of the "viewer" and focusing on your desire, you're less likely to be self-conscious and more willing to do whatever comes to your dirty mind.

3. Let It All Hang Out
Do you suck in your tummy when you're on top? Bad idea. That makes it harder to breathe deeply, which is a key to reaching orgasm, says certified sexuality educator Amy Levine. Instead, try the tantric trick of slowing your breathing and taking deeper breaths. The extra oxygen will make your orgasm more intense by increasing blood flow below the belt.

4. Lock Eyes
You look everywhere but his eyes during the deed because it makes you feel vulnerable, says Block, but it's one of the best ways you can connect when naked. It sends the message that you're really into him and keeps your arousal high because your guy is mirroring his desire back at you. Ease into it by meeting his gaze for a few seconds and giving a sexy smile, then build up to longer eye contact.

How to Give Him a Lap Dance

Treating your guy to a lap dance should be hot...but actually giving one can be, well, awkward. So we asked Kimberly Smith, owner of StripXpertease, a studio offering striptease classes in New York City, to give us the simple moves that'll make his jaw come unhinged.

Before You Start...
Choose your song — something slow but sexy (think anything by Kings of Leon) will do the trick. And don't feel obligated to make your lap dance last an entire song. Usually 60-90 seconds is all you need (and all he can take before he bursts through his pants). Then put a chair against the wall — you'll need to use the wall for support — and have your guy sit in it so that his legs are spread open. You'll want to stay within that triangle-shaped space between his thighs as you try these moves:

The Sexy Lean
Stand between his legs and lean you upper body forward, with your back arched and your butt up in the air, so he gets a hot view of your body. Put your hands on the wall above him, or rest them on the arms of the chair for support. Then tease him by inching your girls closer and closer to his face — but don't let him touch — or dip forward even further and rub them against his chest.

The Lotion
For this one, start a little further back, right between his knees, so he can see everything you're doing. Take your hands and slowly start to rub your boobs, like you're putting on body lotion. Touch yourself like you would want him to touch you — trail your hands down to your lower abs just above your hot spot, work your way back up to your chest, or turn around massage your butt. The key is to go in slow mo, so he can imagine having his hands all over you.

The Hip-notizer
Your hottest seduction tool is your hips, and this move is super easy to master. Slowly start swaying your hips from side to side, and then move them in a figure eight. Up the ante by touching yourself as you do it — this is a prime time to show off your "lotion" skills.

The Cowgirl
Turn around and hover your butt just above his crotch (you can put your hands on his thighs or the arms of the chair for balance). Move your butt in circles, like you're painting his package with your cheeks. Then switch to an up and down motion, like you're riding him in reverse cowgirl. To really make him pitch a tent, look back at him as you grind against his body.

How To Have Anal Sex

• Better Man in brief ...
• Lube, lube and more lube: It's the most important aspect of anal sex.
• Protection is of the utmost importance, as STIs can easily be transmitted.
• Make sure she is relaxed and loosened up - don't dive in.

"The No. 1 rule for enjoyable anal sex is to always use plenty of lube."

The secret to making anal sex a fantastic experience for both you and your girlfriend is all in the preparation. Whether you’re doing it for the first time or you’ve made it a regular part of your sex life, there are some essential steps to take before any back door action goes on. As she becomes accustomed to anal stimulation, some of these preparations will become less time consuming, but still always necessary.

 

Use dark sheets

If the potential messiness of anal sex is a problem for you, you may want to start by replacing those bright white bed sheets with a darker color. You’re less likely to see stains if you throw some darker sheets on before you get started.

 

Don’t over-douche

Many people try to make an end-run around the mess by having the woman douche before having anal sex. While douching will clean out the anal cavity and may even feel good to some people, excessive douching can dry out the anal canal and cause micro-abrasions that make passing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) more likely. If she goes number two before you get started, the mess should be minimal.

 

Relax her

When planning to have anal sex, especially for the first time, it is important to create a relaxing, non-intimidating atmosphere. The more relaxed she is, the easier it will be. Putting on some sexy music, getting the lighting right and starting out with a massage will get her to loosen up literally and figuratively.

 

Anal foreplay

Rarely should your penis be the first thing to enter her ass when it comes to having anal sex. Get her prepared by using your tongue and your fingers on the area first. You can even use sex toys to get her accustomed to being penetrated there. There is a wide variety of toys designed specifically for anal play.

                                            

Lube up

The No. 1 rule for pleasurable anal sex is to always use plenty of lube. Since the anus does not produce its own natural lubrication, it is necessary to up the slipperiness factor by using artificial lube. Make sure the lube you choose is condom safe and have lots of it on hand. You may need to reapply during your anal sex session, especially when using a water-based lubricant that will eventually evaporate.

 

Use protection

Pregnancy may not be an issue when it comes to anal sex, but you should always wear a condom in order to prevent STI transmission. The anus is more susceptible than the vagina to tiny cuts and tears that could make transmitting STIs easier. If you’re concerned about using your mouth on her ass, which can certainly spread STIs as well, use a dental dam as a barrier. You can even use latex gloves to cover your hands. Condoms can also be put on butt toys for hygienic purposes, especially if they are made of jelly or other porous materials or if you are planning on sharing the toys with others.

 

always be prepared

If anal sex is your goal, there is a bit of prep work involved in order to make it a great experience for both your and your girl. It is really in your best interest to make sure she enjoys herself, since even one bad anal incident can put her off for life. So if you want to keep anal on the menu, do the groundwork and keep her happy.

5 Bizarre Sex Drive Boosters -- No Whips, Drugs, or Videos

Even though we look forward to the holidays as a well-deserved break from the daily grind, it can still be difficult to get "in the mood" when you're fighting mall traffic and dealing with relatives.
In fact, feeling tired and stressed is probably the number one libido-killer.
That's why it couldn't hurt to lean on some wacky, possibly even bizarre tricks to light the spark. After all, who knows? They could get your sex drive motor revving right on through what could be the naughtiest time of the year ...

1. Tell your guy to pump gas
No, this has nothing to do with the fact that men acting helpful around the house makes us happy and, therefore, randy. It's a little stranger than that. A new British survey found that women get hot when their guys smell of paint, gasoline, leather, or—get this—a printer ink cartridge?! Apparently these are the scents that "transport" many women back to a happy, romantic memory. Hey, whatever works! For the man in your life, you should try to smell like lipstick, baby lotion, or a roast beef dinner. Maybe now someone will invent a perfume that works like Willy Wonka's Three-Course Gum ...

2. Clean up the house
A study from last fall found that for husbands and wives alike, the more housework you do, the more often you are likely to have sex with your spouse. Mopping isn't exactly the key to getting hot-and-bothered. It's more about being a go-getter. Researchers found that if you throw yourself into your housework, you're also likely to throw yourself into having sexy sex. There's also something to be said for working together as a team. So get that vacuum out while he does the dishes, and later you can give each other a "high-five."

3. Have a gingerbread latte
Ginger increases blood circulation to act as a natural Viagra for him. It's a trick that's been around for centuries ... Madame du Barry regularly served ginger to her lovers, including Louis XV, to drive them mad.

4. Use a super-charged lube
For a more direct effect, you could try a sex drive-boosting lube, like Zestra Feminine Arousal Fluid (which uses a botanical blend of angelica extract, evening primrose oil, and other botanical ingredients to increase clitoral and vaginal sensation) or KY Intense Arousal Gel for Her (which employs niacin to boost blood flow to the area and heighten sensitivity). Many women swear by both.

5. Wear red
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that men get turned on by ladies in red. And apparently, we get turned on when they wear it, too! So for your next holiday party, go for a LRD (Little Red Dress), and suggest he wear a crimson tie to match. It's a win-win, and you'll look festive to boot!

What's something wacky that turns you on?