Tantric Sex

Do you ever feel as if your sex life is stuck in a rut? Before you blame yourself or your partner for your lackluster lovemaking, you might want to give tantric sex a try.

What is Tantric Sex?

"Tantra is about consciousness and awareness," says Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D., a tantra lecturer and therapist in San Francisco, CA, and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Kama Sutra (Macmillan, 2000). "Rather than saying you should try different sexual positions or give up certain things, tantra says: do the things you enjoy, but do them with awareness," she explains.
"Having a deep connection with a partner can help individuals become more relaxed and have better sexual functioning," says Linda Banner, Ph.D., a sex therapist at the University of California San Francisco-Stanford Sexual Health Medicine Program. "Tantric sex is more of a holistic connection than a purely physiological one. It involves the mind, body and spirit," she adds.

How to Last Longer in Bed

If "holistic sex" sounds like a tall order, don't panic. The following tenets of tantric sex can be painlessly incorporated into your sex life.

• Make a conscious effort to engage all of the five senses during lovemaking.

• Looking into your partner's eyes during sex can make the experience more intimate and powerful.

• Try breathing in unison. A conscious, rhythmic breathing pattern can help you connect to your partner, both emotionally and spiritually.

• Don't have sex with a set goal in mind (for example, having an orgasm). Making love without a goal or an agenda will heighten the rapport between you and your partner.

• Focus your attention on your partner's sexual needs and desires, rather than on your own.

Then again, there's something to be said for sex of the "wham-bam" variety. A satisfying sex life will probably involve both types of experiences. "Learning to differentiate the times when you want to have pure, animal sex for physical pleasure versus the times when you want to have a more spiritual type of lovemaking is really critical," admits Banner.

Delaying Orgasm
Becoming familiar with some of tantric sex's key techniques doesn't just lead to more emotionally connected, even spiritual, lovemaking. It also leads to sex that's just plan hotter. One of the most publicized benefits of tantra is that it can help a guy learn how to delay his ejaculation, thus prolonging intercourse.

"When the man really learns to slow down his sexual response-and often times that doesn't happen until he starts to age-he puts himself more in synch with the woman's sexual response, which is slower," says Wikoff. "When people are making love in the same rhythm, there's a powerful connection-and that has to be learned either through age or through a practice like tantra," she adds.

"Tantric sex involves practice, over time, in a relationship of mutual devotion and trust," says James E. Salisbury, Ph.D., an international tantra master who teaches philosophy and human sexuality at Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah. "The ability to orgasm, especially for women, is a learned skill. The ability to raise orgasm to its maximum potential for joy and ecstatic spiritual communion is, especially for men, also a learned skill," he adds.

So the next time you're having sex, become more aware of your partner, maintain eye contact, take it slowly, and don't think about anything but the present moment. After all, great sex is not only about pursuing the pleasure of orgasm; it's also about intimacy and connection.